The Sixers are finished. Last night they were trailing by a point at halftime in a playoff game. They came out in the third quarter and scored 15 points. They finished with just 42 points in the second half. For the umpteenth consecutive season, the season ended in a violent car accident.
However, all is not lost. For one, housing prices in Philadelphia are now set to plummet because of all the new townhouses that can be built from the bricks left over from the Sixers. And, second, I got this new NFT! It comes from Crypto.com, the Sixers’ jersey sponsor this season, and it features a 15-second animation of a construction of the Sixers snake/bell logo. I have the 175/688 edition. You can see it here, except I accidentally copied a link that lets you steal my NFT. Please don’t steal it. I don’t want to tweet “All my snakes gone.”
In fact, maybe you can steal it. It’s worth nothing. The Sixers’ 2021-22 season ended at 9:36 p.m. Just two hours and 24 minutes later, I received an email: “We dropped a collectible on you!” I was afraid it would work like Apple’s Airdrop – ie only once in a while – and that I would miss any Angry Ape or Lucky Lion or Farting Ferret cartoon someone gave me sent. Fortunately, it passed. Unfortunately, it was that Sixers NFT.
It was my fault, of course. I attended Game 3 of the Sixers’ second-round series this season. It was great. Joel Embiid came back, the Sixers won by 20, I bought my tickets before it was announced that Embiid was going to play so they were only $60 each, parking was free at the casino, it had stopped raining a shortly when I returned to the garage, I picked up a counterfeit t-shirt outside the arena. Really, it was a great evening.
I made a mistake, however. The Sixers splashed an on-screen ad a few times to scan a QR code for a free “NFT playoff.” As an NFT fan at one time and a man who likes free things even when they’re worthless, I scanned it from my upper deck seat. I signed up for Crypto.com NFT. I verified my identity. I realized it was a waste of time, but I wasted time in more stupid ways. And then I immediately forgot.
The NFT came to me at a very fun time, and not just because the Sixers’ season ended just over two hours early. It has been a tough month for cryptocurrency and associated stores of value. Basically all cryptocurrencies fell this week. The NFT boom has also been declared “over”, with a report indicating that sales are down 92% from a year ago. (The NFT boom has been declared “collapsed” by various parties before, of course, and I suspect that many cryptocurrencies will rise in value as well. But they are still tanking now.)
The Sixers aren’t the only sports team in bed with a crypto company. Just this week, the Washington Nationals tweeted this.
In the two days since the Nationals tweet, the Luna de Terra cryptocurrency has dropped around $30 to, uh, $0.000079 when I just looked at it. Terra’s stablecoin USDT – a cryptocurrency that is supposed to remain at a value equal to $1 – fell to 13 cents.
So the Sixers aren’t quite at that level of embarrassment. And it’s not clear the Sixers can even be embarrassed. They clearly have no qualms about “associating” with anyone who gives them money. They would wear a patch on their jerseys for a formula flight ring if the price was right. They certainly don’t care that their shirt sponsor sent out NFT Sixers just at the end of the season and crypto is in a tailspin.
The person who should be embarrassed here is me. I asked for this piece of shit. The NFTs that have been valuable are the ones that are rare. What’s more common than a second-round loss for the Sixers? This is the fourth time in five years that they have pulled off this trick! As it says on my NFT page, I am open to offers. More than $0.000079, please.