- As an autistic parent, I feel the weight of generations judging the behavior of my autistic children.
- Because their autism is invisible, I often get the dreaded comment: they don’t look autistic.
- The best way to support your autistic children is to listen to them, and sometimes that will require you to stand against tradition.
When you have autism and are part of the Latin Diaspora, traveling poses additional challenges. Especially if you are a child at the mercy of family expectations.
I should know. I am a late diagnosed autistic immigrant from Ecuador and mother of three autistic children. And I’ve chosen a different path as a parent, a path where I don’t focus on obedience or training my children to behave a certain way to please adults. I chose collaboration and compassion.
Traveling to visit your abuela, tía or primos can be a joyful experience, but also full of uncertainty. I have seen my own children react exactly as I did when I met our Ecuadorian parents.
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They avoid physical greetings and avoid eye contact. If they are overwhelmed with too many new sights, sounds, smells, and people, they shut down and seem uninterested.
Because their autism is not accompanied by other intellectual or physical disabilities, it is invisible, and I often hear the dreaded comment: they don’t look autistic. (Really? There’s a stare?) There’s added pressure on them to perform and skepticism about their need for support.
As a parent, I feel the weight of generations judging my children’s behavior: Malcriado. Hace lo que le da la gana. I bristle when well-meaning parents make requests: Coma callado. Salude con beso a la abuela para que no se resienta. Dele un abrazo al tío.
This is where I make a choice. I don’t do what my own parents did and I force my children to ignore their own discomfort so that los abuelos perceive them as “good” obedient and polite children. I become their advocate, respect their right to be their wonderful neurodivergent self, and protect their boundaries.
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I tell abuelos and tías in advance that my kids don’t want hugs and kisses and I repeat that when they inevitably forget in their excitement to be together. I tell them that wearing noise-cancelling headphones at the table is what makes attending meals possible. That they need to get away from everyone and maybe they need to leave the table earlier. That they listen better if they don’t have to make eye contact and if they can move their body. That they connect better one-on-one rather than sharing a favorite interest or activity.
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You may know of these proven strategies that help make traveling easier with your autistic child:
- Tell them what to expect: where are we going? What are we going to do? Who will be there? How long are we going to stay?
- Show them pictures of places, relatives and friends you will visit.
- Create a visual timeline they can refer to.
- Keep daily routines as close to daily home routines as possible, especially mealtimes and bedtimes.
- Take advantage of disability access features, such as access passes and quiet hours.
You may find these additional strategies from my occupational therapist “toolkit” helpful:
- Build downtime into the schedule. Autistic sensory processing differences often lead to overload, which can lead to shutdowns and meltdowns. Stops and meltdowns are extremely painful and exhausting for your child, and the best support is prevention.
- Make sensory accommodations. If your child says it’s too bright or too loud, believe them. Bring earmuffs, noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, hoodies.
- Know your child’s distress signals and work out a support plan with your child ahead of time when they are calm. Ask: How can I help you calm down? How can I help you feel safe? Maybe they need more physical activity or retreat to a quiet place. Maybe they need screen time, book time, alone or one-on-one time with you.
- Make an “escape plan” together. Sometimes knowing that they can walk away from a situation when they’ve had enough is all it takes to reduce the anxiety of being in a new place with new people.
- Unleash the stimulation! Stimulations are repetitive actions that help children with autism self-regulate. It can be listening to the same song over and over, rocking, clapping, humming, twirling your hair around a finger.
Whether you are at home or abroad, the best way to support your autistic children is to listen to them, believe them, accept and value their differences. Sometimes this will require you to be brave, to speak out on their behalf and to stand up against tradition and deeply rooted cultural practices.
Ana Karina Suarez is a late-diagnosed autistic occupational therapist in Ecuador. She works to provide neurodiversity-affirming therapy and focuses on changing attitudes and adjusting the environment to help students develop positive autistic identity and self-reliance skills. She lives in Europe with her American husband and their three children.
